Imagine...
You're just browsing on social media and you see a post in a Facebook group your in. "Fatal accident" with a picture of a burnt car. You click that post and zoom in and realize it's a car like your mom has, or your wife, or maybe your best friend. Panic sets in. You deep dive into the comments and read somewhere that a passerby saw the accident occur - and they go into detail about how the car slid on some black ice, slammed into a telephone pole and burst into flames. And they tried to pull the screaming woman from the car, but she slowly was burnt alive.
But you still can't believe it, because surely, it's not someone you know. Right?

That's how we found out about our son's death
That's precisely what unfolded for us on July 1, 2024, the day our lives were plunged into darkness. Shaun was preparing to grill some brats on our new Blackstone while I was casually scrolling through Facebook, not focusing on anything specific, when a post caught my attention - "FATAL MOTORCYCLE ACCIDENT, BIKE DOWN." I immediately began searching through the comments for any details about the bike, hoping someone might have information. During that time, I checked our son's GPS, and he was close to the accident's location. Thoughts raced through my mind - maybe it was a riding buddy, perhaps it wasn't fatal, or he could have been a witness. I tried calling and texting our son, but there was no response. So, I sent my husband and a friend into town to find out what was happening.
For the first 20-30 minutes of their journey, I could only obsessively comb through the comments for any updates. Some mentioned it was a red bike (I had mistakenly thought his was black, not recalling that he had recently put new plastics on it). Other comments suggested he was speeding, that he had pulled out in front of another car, or that he had run a stoplight.

The hard truth, it was him
We contacted our son's mother, who was on vacation at the time, to inform her of the situation. We also reached out to some of his siblings to share the news. I am thankful they received the information from us over the phone rather than discovering it through an image of his bike lying on the road. However, after returning from the hospital, I found myself scrolling through the comments on multiple posts in that group and various news articles. Many people were quick to assume he was drunk driving or showing off. The hurtful assumptions made just hours after our boy's passing were difficult to bear. We also learned that bystanders at the accident scene were taking pictures of the incident - and of him.
Have people lost their sense of morals? Do they see an accident and think, "Let me share this on Snapchat and Facebook to see how many likes I can gather"? Are they unaware that these victims have families who come across these posts and can't shake the disturbing images from their minds?
One of the most striking images I encountered that day was a photo shared by a news station showing his shoe, thrown off during the accident, lying about twenty feet from his overturned motorcycle. News outlets must do better in their reporting as well.

It's happened to other families as well...
"I Found Out My Dad Died by Scrolling Twitter" - Carly LaRue
Many others share similar stories on Reddit
It's even happened to a well known, famous person

Bringing awareness to online posting
Personal Mission - It has become a personal mission for me to eliminate these posts, have them taken down, and raise awareness about the importance of being mindful of what we share on social media.
Halting social media posts - Whenever I browse Facebook and come across a group post regarding an accident or a victim, I make it a point to share my thoughts. I frequently mention my own experience of discovering information about our son. I have friends who are equally dedicated to this cause and often comment before I do. Together, we alert group moderators, and nearly every time, we succeed in getting those posts removed or rephrased.
Educating People - There is always an opportunity to educate those who may not be aware. Social media provides a wonderful platform for us to learn about the significance of one's digital footprint. This can affect how family members perceive someone, whether it's something they encounter immediately or discover months or years later. Personal growth is a continuous journey, and we hope that those we share this knowledge with can truly embrace it.

The Takeaway: Be a Better Human Online
Social media is a tool. It can spread harm, or it can spread connection. You decide how you use it. Next time you feel the urge to post about someone else's tragedy, ask yourself: Is this my story to share?
Has the family shared anything yet? Do I have their permission to post this?
How am I helping this situation?
Would I want to find out this information the way I'm sharing it?